It's difficult for me to see My babygirl struggle, especially not being able to be there for her physically. I can be mental and emotional support, but without actually being able to hold her and tell her "Its okay, it's going to be okay" its missing that connection, but we're managing, we're getting by, together.
Some of the things she's told me other people have said, you'd think I get angry, and it used to be I would, but now I just laugh, why? Cause it's petty and beneath my ire. With people saying things like "You don't need him cause he ain't giving you all his money." or "You don't need him cause he ain't paying all your bills." Ahem!
1. I'm not here to be her meal ticket.
2. I'm not here completely financially support her. She's perfectly capable of living within her means and making her own money.
Pause, would I like to be the bread winner? Sure, any man worth his salt I think would agree with that statement, carrying on.
3. I am her Daddy DOM, say it with me Dominant, Dominant, one more time, Dominant, not her sugar Daddy, that sh*** just wrong.
4. Would I like to be able to say "Yes, I help take care of this and that, yes I help take care of her and the kids and help provide the things we need." sure I would she knows I do.
Right now though, I can't say those things in number 4, why? Cause I'm still trying to sort things out between me and my mom, my rock, my anchor, my stars and stripes. Being a single mother herself, she knows what My babygirl has had to suffer through, she knows what this woman is fighting for every single God blessed day.
She came first in my life like I came first in hers, I am her everything and she my hero and we all know this. I've told My babygirl several times, those kids came first way before me, they are her priority as my mother is to me.
I miss My babygirl every single day when I wake up, every single day when I go to sleep, I miss her in my thoughts, I miss her in my dreams, I miss her everything I do, but you know what? That's love in an LDR, in it purest form, that is love in an LDR, it allows me to appreciate the time I get to spend with her, to appreciate the little things she says and does. I wish for the world more people would get that through their thick heads, maybe then this world would be a better place.
But I also love my mother, I am her son after all, and to her I will always be her pup and she my mother wolf, who I've seen struggle just to make ends meet. What I owe her is not money, is not fame or fortune, is not even a debt which can ever really be repaid, I owe my mother my life because with out her I would not exist to sit here and tell you these things, to sit here and tell you what both her and My babygirl mean to me. They are my world and my everything, they and those that come with them, my mother and our family and My babygirl and our kids are all I really have, and that IS enough for me, that IS enough for me to be content, when all else is falling into ruin, as long as I have them I'm happy, as long as I have them, I have a reason to keep on fighting, I have a reason to keep on keeping on.
In this world, true it is hard to go at it together, but it is even harder to try and go it alone, just ask these two mothers just how hard it is to raise a child all by themselves, you want to know what they will say? Its damn near impossible, but I try my best to rise to the challenge, as I keep hoping and praying that some day things will get better, things will finally go my way and I can look back and say, I'm proud of myself for not giving up or giving in.
You don't know what true strength is until you have to try and raise a child on your own, compared to them, I'm a wet noodle, compared to them I'm as weak as a babe. The difference is, I see their suffering and I try my best to help them in any way I can.
To end, any assistance that you can offer, any support you can give will go a long way towards helping us achieve our goals and keeping her and the kids off the streets, had I a home to give her and them, they'd be right here next to me and this song I'd sing differently, but I'm not and I dont and I havent, I wish for the world it was a different story, I wish for the world I didn't have to say please help us, please help her, please help them but I do and I am and I hate having to, I really do.
This is the end of Pt. 1. Peharps part two will end differently. Only time can tell. Thank you for listening.
Sincerly, most sincere
Dear ole Daddy Ches.
