Another day

My server keeps going out on me while i'm in the middle of my video chat. I've been working a club as a bartender but every time i turn around i'm getting criticized and yelled at. "watch what you're eating" "do this" then sometimes later that same day "why are you doing that do this". "wear things like this" "that looks good on you" couple days later i wear similar "you need to put a shirt on over that why are you wearing that" "do it this way" hours later "do that this way" "that's too small why are you wearing that" "you look homeless dress better" when everyone knows that tattered jeans are all the rage. it's not like i'm going through wearing see through shirts and dresses with no bra or panties on beneath like many of the customers do. This happens on a daily basis and people wonder why i seem upset or distant and not as cheerful as i used to be. this isn't easy to deal with. Some say that this is emotional abuse, i've been hearing these things all my life. literally. i end up walking away and crying. i want to yell, i want to scream, i want to punch someone or something. because of all the complaints and downtalking i've wanted to run away. i've wanted to hurt myself. i haven't done any of that. i've only ended up crying. then i get yelled at for crying. "if you can't control your emotions and yourself then how can you control your children" how can i control my children when i'm not at home to do so because i'm out doing what i can to earn tips trying to make a living on that in order to pay the bills and rent and well, i'm behind because i'm not earning enough. i'm trying, i'm doing the best i can as a single mother but i'm constantly being told to buy this and do that and i just don't have the money to do so. i've even been told to take the kids to the park, by time i walk them there they'd be tired and wouldn't want to do anything at all so the point of doing that would be, well, no point. That's why I've turned here, turned to doing this, turned to becoming a cam model. It's not why i joined the lifestyle. That, was because no matter what I do i have no control over anything and everything i try to keep things structured, a schedule to follow. life is so much easier and better. That's what i liked about the navy there was a schedule. That's what i try to keep in my house, a structured schedule. That's one of the wonderful things of having a Daddy Dom. of being in the lifestyle. structure. yes there's pain, delicious pain but it gets rid of the pain and the voices in my head. it makes them quiet. then i can think. then i can do. i love my Daddy with all my heart and soul and it's not anything like stolkholm Those who don't understand the lifestyle, who think it's all 50 shades bs, throwing a virgin into a situation uninformed that she does not understand that is abuse. For me, a good flogging is much like electroshock therapy that a doctor would prescribe. a release from the pain, from the stress without having to worry about what comes next for once. Well everyone have a good day/night luvs ya and don't forget to check out my sites